Again

November 14, 2008

Magdadalawang buwan na rin akong walang pinopost. Meron kasi akong hinanap. Inspirasyon.

Hindi ko alam kung nawala ko siya o ni-let go o talagang duwag lang ako na wala akong ginawa para di siya mawala. Magulo. Basta alam ko natagpuan ko na siya ulit.

Iba kasi kapag may isang tao o bagay na nagsisilbing inspirasyon mo eh. May kung ano sa inpirasyon mong yun na nagbibigay sa iyo ng di maipaliwanag na drive para magawa mo yung mga bagay na di mo normally nagagawa. Para siyang adrenaline rush na everyday nasa iyo, di nawawala.

Siguro kasi gusto mong ma-impress sa'yo yung tao na yun. Gusto mong ipakita sa kanya yung positive effect na nadudulot niya sa'yo. Siguro rin kasi gusto mong ma-express lahat-lahat ng nais mong sabihin sa kanya kaya kung anu-anong mga bagay ang naiisip mong gawin para maparamdam sa kanya. Pwede rin na dahil sa gustung-gusto mo kasi talagang makamit yung isang bagay. Tulad ng pangarap.

Dahil sa matinding pagnanais na makamit yung hangarin na yun, ginagawa natin ang lahat ng ating makakaya. Ang mga magulang natin, nagtatrabaho at inaalagaan tayo ng mabuti kasi may pangarap sila para sa atin. Tayo ang mga nagsisilbing inspirasyon nila. Ako, ngayon, nag-aaral ako ng mabuti kasi nais ko talagang makatapos. Gusto kong sulitin at suklian yung lahat ng ginagawa nila. Siyempre, alam kong para rin sa'kin ito para magkaroon ako ng magandang kinabukasan.

Kaya ikaw, kung wala kang maisip na kahit anuman o sinumang inspirasyon ngayon, huminto ka sandali. Mag-isip ng mabuti dahil may mali.

temptations may not be temptations at all

i read my last post. natuwa naman ako kasi nakapagsulat ako ng ganung topic na entry.
natuwa din ako kasi i found that at this point, i think i am wrong about what i said with my last entry. hehe, at some parts lang naman. i read a very interesting speech earlier and i madeit a basis for what i will be saying later on. :) , like buddha, i am enlightened.haha. here are my fave lines from the speech:

"I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy. After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average."-- live your life to the fullest daw kasi. kunwari, kapag nagwowork ka daw or nag-aaral ng super seryoso, you are not really making a living out of those activities. actually, pinaiikli mo daw. habang may oras ka, gamitin mo yun sa gusto mong gawin at love na love mo gawin kahit walang bayad. work kills i assure you.

"be hated. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross. " ---ayus di ba? sabi nga dito, kapag may ayaw sayo ibig sabihin nun maytaong kumukuwestiyon sa righteousness mo. ayus yon kasi ibig sabihin nun, you are right on your principles and advocacies. :)

"You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you. " at ito ang bonggang bongga, hehe. ngayun ko lang ito narealize! haha. di ko maexplai kung paano ko nakonek ito dun sa temptations pero, nakonek ko at masasbai kong mali nga ako sa ilangmga bagay dun. :)


ayus ba?hehe. i so love the speech!

Discernments and Realizations

September 29, 2008

Watching a movie really takes my heart pumps fast because of excitement, especially when it really catches my attention. This was my feeling when I watched the film "The Phantom of the Opera" last September 22 in the Arete Discussion, one of the activities in Philosophy Week. Many claimed that this was really a good movie. I have no clue at first how the story goes, but one thing was circling my mind this film is worthy to watch.

As the film was rolling, many thoughts came into my very imaginative mind. I thought that this would really scares me because it simply reflects in the title. But as the story goes, I realized that it was not all about horror or suspense. There was puzzle to be solved and many questions I started to conceptualize. Who was the Phantom? Is there really an opera ghost? How the people in the opera house deals with this Phantom of the Opera? These were some of the questions I would like to be answered but unfortunately these were left hanging because of the power supply problem.

Eagerness of knowing what happened in the end, I searched the summary in the web. I found the answers to some of my questions but I was not satisfied. Reading the synopsis of the story help me realized what was the essence at all. It was how the characters played their roles and these roles portrayed different type of personality that we people could relate to, especially when it comes to love.

The character of the Phantom showed that we could do our own way to prove others what we feel. A love for someone was really a strong key to do an extraordinary thing. That was how he expressed her loved for Christine (the lead singer in the play). He did everything to win her heart. But sometimes there are things that we should let go if we feel that it is not meant for us. Based on what I've read in the web he set her free and let her be with Raoul(the childhood friend of Christine). I realized that letting go makes our personality grow stronger. And letting go doesn't mean that we have to forget the person we love, we just have to accept the fact that other person/s make/s them happy.

While Christine who was very amazing had made a strong belief that the phantom existed. She didn't let her stand go down. That was the spirit we must have in order to motivate ourselves in doing an action. if we know how to defend our claim, we just have to carry with us the justifications. We must not be easily persuaded by others of what they believed in. That was the character played by her. She rendered how to carry the love for the things she believed in.

The whole story covers how love could be express in different ways. Love for the opera, parents, friends, loved ones, beliefs and things we consider that determines our lives. All these were greatly interpreted by the characters. And I feel that these really be practiced in our everyday lives. (I hope I could finish watching the whole story.)

>>reflection paper ko to sa philosophy class namin.. just wanna share it with you.. (d ko yan napacheck kung tama lahat grammar..hehe pasensya nlang po..)

Deadline

September 12, 2008

Kung pwede lang, mas gusto ko sana kung alam ko yung eksaktong petsa ng aking kamatayan. Sh*t! Ano na naman ang tinira ko at bigla kong naisip ang kamatayan? Alam ko namang matagal pa 'yun. Masamang damo.

Hindi pero totoo, mas ok talaga kung alam ko kung kailan ko lilisanin ang mundo. Kasi pag ganun, magkakaroon ako ng sense of urgency na ma-accomplish lahat ng nais ko sa buhay. Pag ganun, mamamatay ako na walang unfinished business. Mawawala ako na hindi nagreregret sa kung anumang hindi ko nagawa. Tapos kasi pag ganun, pati yung mga tao sa paligid ko apektado. Pati sila mapipilitan sila na gawin nila yung nais nila sa akin or yung nais nila kasama ako. Sobrang saya siguro nun.

Happiest days for sure yung mga araw na yun. Hindi sila tulad ng mga araw bago yung deadline ng isang school project. Nagmamadali pero walang kaayusan. Hindi sila kagaya ng mga oras bago ang isang importanteng exam. Kinakabahan para lang ma-mental block. Yun yung tipong deadline na alam mong pagkatapos magiging masaya ang lahat. Tahimik.

Ngayon kasi, que sera sera. Gusto ko lang magising, kumain tapos matulog. Pero siguro kung alam ko na next month or next year na malalagutan na ako ng hininga, magsisimula na siguro akong gumawa ng mga makabuluhang mga bagay. Susubukan ko lahat ang mga nais ko pang maranasan. Aamin na rin nun siguro ako sa kanya (ang magreact, pangit!). Pero talaga, mas ok talaga siguro kung alam ko na yung araw na yun para maipahanda ko na yung aking lapida. Basta ba huwag lang akong sabihan one day bago yun. Six months pwede na.

RELATED MOVIE: The Bucket List

temptations

September 6, 2008

“What was the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life?”

This was the very vague or broad topic I had for my impromptu speech. When I picked it, it was really hard to think considering that I know that I really am not a creative person with this kind of thing. In addition to that is the stage fright that is really hard to ignore when you are already in front of the audience. But since that speech has a very big contribution on my grade to our speech class, I told myself that I must do this thing and I have no choice but to do this thing with the best attitude that I can. So, I geared up and stood in front of my 27 person audience.

I delivered a very shallow speech . I just thought at that time that my speech was enough to awe or involve my audience. Maybe, it was because of the nervousness that I felt at that time that made me think of the shallowness of my speech. Also, maybe it was also because of the nervousness that I felt that it was the best thing that I can do with my speech. But now, I think, I can do better than that . So, I hope that I can make it up with this journal.

“What was the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life?”

Since I was a child, I was oriented by my parents to prioritize my studies because it was the best thing that I can do for myself and for my family. So, anything that can distract my concentration on my studies, I must ignore them. I call these things temptations and ignoring the number one temptation for me is the second hardest thing I’ve ever done in my 18 years of existence. The first one, as you may remember, was letting my father go to one of the most dangerous places on this earth to work. And the second one will be ignoring the temptation of having a romantic relationship.

I was linked mutually more than once with a guy since elementary. During my elementary days, I was able to ignore that feeling because I kept reminding myself that those kinds of feelings are not true and do not last forever at that early age. I entered high school and again, I had the same feelings with different guys . I think that the feelings just shifted to a different person because I had the intuition of rejection even before we have settled things between us. But at the end, I realized that the feelings are not really the same because they had different intensities and sources. I really can’t describe the feeling, but in general, it hurts. In my life, I’ve experienced 2 greatest longings, happiness, and hurt. These happened because I have to ignore the temptation of involving myself more with these special persons. During those times, I had this very painful prick that gave me maximum of 3 crying nights. I knew that I am not hurting only myself but I am also hurting those 2 different persons because I chose to ignore the temptation of having deeper relationships with them. Again, during those times, for my and my family’s future, I had to ignore the temptation. Damn. Why does my future have to hurt my present and past that much?

I am not an emo, but maybe at this point, I am. Because for the nth time, I am ignoring another temptation for my more secure future. I am not yet involved deeply with him, but I know, I am nearing there. Ignoring this temptation is hard right now, I do not want it to be harder.

--inuulit ko po, hindi ako emo, dito lang siguro.haha. sarap magsulat! Wuhoo!

hanggang kailan??

August 31, 2008

mula sa isang karanasan ng isang kaibigan naisipan kong sumulat ng pangalawa kong entry sa blog na ito.. sa wakas, nagkaroon na ulit ako ng time para gumawa. tagal ko rin hinintay to.

tulad nga ng sinabi ko kanina mula ito sa karanasan ng isang kaibigan, gusto ko lang ulit iparealize sa ibang tao kung ano ang kahalagahan ng concept na "TIME".

hindi ko ikkwento sa inyo kung ano nangyari sa kaibigan ko pero ang gusto ko lang ipoint sa blog ko na to, e hanggang kailan mo hihintayin ang pagkakataon para mangyari ang isang bagay kung hindi ka gagawa ng paraan para mangyari ang gusto mo. isa itong tanong na naisip ko kanina lang. talaga bang dapat mong hintayin ang pagkakataon?? o talaga bang may concept ng pagkakataon??

paano ba nagkakaroon ng pagkakataon?? chances? ang hirap sagutin. kahit ako hindi ko maisip ang sagot. marami siguro mag-iisip na right TIME ang makakasagot dyan. e tanong ko lang ulit paano mo ba malalaman kung kailan ang right timing db??

sa palagay ko kasi, hindi talaga nalalaman ang lahat ng ganyang bagay.. lalo na ang right timing.

kaya dapat habang maaga pa, lahat ng pwede mong gawin para sa araw na ito gawin mo na. wag ng ipagpaliban pa.. kasi bawat oras, minuto at segundo ay mahalaga sa buhay ng tao.

we must take all the opportunity we have para magawa ang gusto natin lalo na pagdating sa usapang love. ok, I'm not the right person to discuss all the things about love. yung mga nakakakilala lang sakin ang nakakaalam kung bakit. anyway, sa topic na to saan pumapasok ang time and chances? sa paghihintay kung kelan mo sa sabihin ang nararamdaman mo.. hahayaan mo nalang bang hintayin ng hintayin ang pagkakataon para lang masabi nafifeel mo. wala akong gustong patamaan pero sana maisip ng iba na maraming tao ang naghihintay para sabihan sila na gusto sila. o pamansin sila.

isa pang point, hindi mo malalaman ang status ng isang bagay kung hindi ka magtatanong. at wala kang lakas ng loob para magtanong o magsabi ng nararamdaman mo.. dba?

sana sa lahat ng mga nakakagets sa mga sinabi ko, marealize niyo sana ang mga bagay na ito. tama lang siguro ang maghintay at wag maging padalos dalos pero kung sobrang tagal na at wala pa rin nangyayari tama pa bang paghintayin ang sarili?

gusto ko lang iclear na hindi ako galit sa mga torpe pero gusto ko lang talaga marealize niyo na walang patutunguhan kung itatago niyo nalang nararamdaman niyo. pwera nalang kung gusto niyong maunahan kayo ng iba.

at ang last wordS na masasabi ko lang sa inyo... MAKE THE MOST OUT OF THE TIME GIVEN TO YOU... YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHEN WILL THIS END.

911

August 20, 2008

Phone rings. Family friend. She asked me to go to her parents' apartment and check on her mom. Her dad told her that her mom fell off her bed. I obeyed. I came down and went to the next building where her parents' apartment is. Our friend's dad opened the door. Their apartment is on the third floor.

Apartment door opens. I asked him what happened. He said that he just suddenly heard a loud noise from his wife's room then saw her lying on the floor. He added that his wife was about to stand up when she fell. She looked hurt, sitting on her bed. She said that she couldn't stand or even move her right leg. Phone rings. It's their daughter again. I informed her of her mom's condition. She said that she's gonna call for ambulance. I went downstairs to wait.

Sirens wailing. Fire truck. Three men came down and asked me if we were the ones who called for ambulance. I said yes. They asked me what happened. I told them that the old woman fell off her bed and couldn't move her right leg.

Upstairs. The old woman could speak no English. She could even hardly speak our own. The firemen wanted to get answers directly from her. I did my best to do the translation. She was responding except for some which she didn't quite understand. She seemed to be afraid. The medic finally arrived. Only the three of us were left in the room.

Outside the room. The firemen and other medics were talking to our family friend over the phone. They were trying to get information about the medical history of their patient. Diabetes. Stroke. (I'm not sure if there's something else.) Our friend said that she was on her way. She said she was going to meet them at the hospital.

Inside the room. I was still translating. The medic asked her to touch the part of her leg that hurts. She touched her knee. Then he asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital. Our friend's mom didn't know. The medic said that she might had torn a ligament or a meniscus. The medic took out his penlight and checked her eyes. He then checked her blood pressure, sugar level and her lungs. Everything seemed to be fine. The medic then said that she really needs to be brought to the hospital to have her knee checked. The old woman nodded. She still seemed to be afraid. The medic asked me to try to calm her down. I softly told the old woman that she doesn't have to be afraid and that they were just trying to help her.

A chair is being brought in. The firemen carefully lifted the old woman and made her sit on the chair. Seat belts lock. They brought her downstairs. Outside, they put her on a stretcher then into the ambulance. I was just watching... Closely watching, waiting for my first 911 experience to end.

I went back home and it took me some time to recover. It was just that I was still shaking a bit then and was worried. Deep breath. Back to normal.

She's still in the hospital right now. They've said that she has a broken hip. She's scheduled for an operation so she needs to stay in the hospital for a while. Hope she gets well soon.

Basta ako (sana) pag yung mga magulang ko na yung tumanda, gusto ko nandoon ako lagi para sa kanila. Ayoko silang mapabayaan. Naging mabuti rin naman silang mga magulang. Responsible provider ang tatay ko tapos nanay ko maasikaso naman siyang maybahay. Yung bilang ng taon na iintindihin at aalagaan ko sila ay kaunti lamang kung ikukumpara sa tagal ng kanilang paggabay sa akin. Tama lamang siguro na suklian ko lahat ng oras at pagmamahal nila sa akin. Tapos pag sila naman yung na-911 (pero sana huwag naman), gusto ko nandoon din ako. Gusto ko magawa ko rin nun yung lahat ng aking makakaya para lang matulungan sila. Sana ganun din yung gusto mo. Sana.

"Holding ON"

August 10, 2008

In a situation where an individual needs to choose between holding on and letting go, it's more likely that he will decide to let go than to fight for what he wants. It is always conventional to do things that you know won't hurt you.
Nakakatawa mang isipin, we are afraid of taking risks sa mga bagay na alam nating masasaktan lamang tayo. Hindi pa man sinusubukan, gusto ng mag let go.
Paano mo malalaman ang magiging outcome ng isang bagay kung hindi mo man lang susubukan na maghintay at ipaglaban ito. Kung matotorpe ka lang sa isang sulok, it seems hindi yun letting go, pero sign ng pagiging duwag. Mahirap mag-assume hanggat walang nangyayari. Why not hold on and wait. Pero walang magagawa ang paghihintay kung wala ka rin namang gagawin. Malay mo, sa paghold on mo... magiging posible ang inakala mong hindi mangyayari.
Totoo ngang wala sa atin ang kontrol kung ano mangyayari sa buhay natin, pero nasa sa atin pa rin ang kakayahan para kahit papano magawa nating maabot ang pinapangarap natin.
It doesn't really matter on how you let go, it's about how you hold on.
Pero every action, may katumbas na consequence. You must be ready kung ano man ang kalalabasan ng magiging decision mo.


Once you've already let go, have the courage that you might never have that person again,
because goodbyes are not created for nothing...
It really ends something.

The Art of Letting Go

August 3, 2008

Will you hold on or will you let go?

There are times in our lives when we need to make such decision. It's really a hard one but we just can't choose both. We can't because we're not allowed to. And even if we were allowed, choosing both would only be futile. Futile because we'd only end up nowhere. So now if you ask me which is really the better option, I should say that it's letting go.

The thing is nobody has full control over his life. Yes, you may be the one who decides for yourself. But you are not the one who decides for other people around you who also affect your life. So when you're stuck in a situation where you are to face such dilemma, choosing to hold on won't do you much good.

If you are to hold on, you're hoping that things will go the way you want them to. But what if, which is more likely than not, they won't? If that happens, then your life would only be worse. Besides, if you continue holding onto something, then it's going to be harder for you to live away from the past. And living in your past is not much different from not living at all. You see things very differently. You always try to compare things with what happened before. And what happened before won't ever be the same as now. Holding on would only make you forget how to appreciate the present, how to appreciate life.

As I said earlier, nobody has full control over his life. So why then do you need to let go? Because it's the only way for life to continue. If you let go, then you let life flow on its own. If you let go, you risk less while knowing that there's a sure reward at the end. A sure reward. It's because whatever the outcome will be, either good or bad, you wouldn't have to start over. You'd only see things that happened as learning experiences. Unlike when you hold on and fail, you'll need time to recover before starting over. Also, if you let go, you won't find it hard to see beauty in your life. You won't be having a hard time dealing with your present. Peace of mind. That is what you'll find.

Though you need to learn it first. Letting go is one of the hardest things in life. It requires a lot of preparation before you can pull it off. There's just no turning back. But let me stress for the last time, letting go is a sacrifice that surely knows how to pay off.

anik anik: sa mga pinoy, sentimental value :

July 27, 2008

nawala pitaka ko. mga tatlong linggo na nung mawala yun. putik, hassle yun eh. makwento nga.

mga 2.30 yun ng hapon. katatapos lang ng quantitative subject namin. eh sa schedule ko, after nung quantitative e accounting, nung araw na yun, di ako gumawa ng assignment sa accounting. since 4.00 pa lang naman accounting ko, dun sa 2.30-4.00 na libre ako, kumopya nako ng assignment sa kaklase ko. ang haba. sa sobrang haba ginutom ako. nung makalahati ko na yung assignment, bumili ako ng pagkain dun sa kiosk sa skuol namin, junk food pa nga binili ko nun eh. tuwang tuwa pa nga mga kaklasi ko kasi dami ko daw binili, nanlilibre daw ba ako. ayun, kumain ako, sa pagkakatanda ko, nung bumalik ako sa table ko para ituloy yung assignment ko habang kumakain, nakapatong yung wallet ko sa libro ko. nung matapos ko yung assignment, napadaan ako ulit dun sa kiosk, nakakita ako ng junk foods ulit. di ko na dala nun yung wallet ko, sabi ko pa nga sa tindera, "ate, maya ko na lang bayaran andun sa table namin yung wallet ko eh." oo naman daw siya no. tapos napansin ko na may naglalaro ng volleyball sa gym, sumali daw ako. ayun for the next 1hr, naglaro ako. bumalik lang ako sa table namin nung 5mins before 4.

pagbalik ko, mannerism ko na siguro dahil bago cellphone ko , chineck ko yung bag ko para tignan kung andun cellphone ko. it follows naman nun na titignan ko rin kung andun pa yung pitaka ko. kulay pink yun, yun na yung pinaka striking ang kulay na laman ng bag ko. wala akong striking na nakita nung binuksan ko yung bag ko. medyo nagpanic nako nun. tinignan ko na rin yung table, wala din dun. putik. 1500 laman nun. wala na, umiyak nako nun. tinanong ko na din mga kaibigan ko tsaka hinalughog yung mga bag nila, baka nailagay sa mga bag nang di sinasadya, wala din. putik talaga. di nako pumasok sa accounting nun, iba pakiramdam ko nun eh, idagdag pa na magang maga na ang mga mata ko dahil alam ko na patay lalo ako sa nanay ko kapag nalaman niya na yung binigay niyang 1500 ay nawala. siguro dalawang oras akong umiiyak nun, nakatambay sa table kung saan nawala wallet ko.

umiyak ako hindi dahil 1500 yung nawala sakin. yung 1500 na yun kasi ay yung kauna-unahang pera na lagpas 500 na binigay sakin ng nanay ko, as in voluntary niyang binigay. this past year kasi, ayoko ng humihingi sa kanya, nahihiya nako, kaya nga ako nagtrabaho eh. kaya nga rin di ko pa nagagastos dahil nung panahon na yun, di pa rin ako makapaniwala na binigyan ako ng pera ng nanay ko kahit di naman ako humihingi. hindi pinupulot lang ang pera, ito din, tumatak sa isip ko nung mawala wallet ko. lalo tong nagpaiyak sakin kasi naalala ko yung pagod na naranasan ko nung naging server ako sa isang restaurant.

andun din pala mga class cards ko. putik, naalala ko na naman, may isang class card ako na pinaka-ingat ingatan ko, andun din sa pitaka ko. tokwa, uno yun eh. ilang gabing pinagpuyatan ko yung grado na yun, nagtatanggal pa nga ng stress sakin yun eh, kapag muntik muntikan akong bumagsak sa isang subject. titignan ko lang yung pulang bolpen na bumilog sa 1, nakakarelaks na. ngayon wala na kong pampalubag loob. kailangan ko ulit magpuyat ng ilang gabi para makakita ng bilog sa number 1.

nawala din id ko tsaka enrollment sheet. tuwing sasakay ako ng jeep, di na ako maka-avail ng student discount. la akong id eh. o kung minsan naman, tinatandaan ko yung mga driver na humihingi ng id para masiguro na estudyante ako. mga beinte din natitipid ko araw araw dahil sa student discount. eto pa problema, la ako enrollment sheet, pano ako magapapaID ulit? hmp. doble abala talaga, tokwa.wala tuloy akong katauhan, wala nako valid id. tuwang tuwa pa mandin ako sa id ko kasi ang kapal kapal na nung mga sticker . tsaka mukha pa akong nene nun, ang cute. nawala kasi pitaka ko kaya, ayun, wala na.

may pictures din dun nung mga sitwasyon na inayusan ako dahil magperperform ako. dun nga lang ako nag-aayos eh. mga litrato din ng mga kaibigan, ka-ibigan, tsaka pamilya ang andun. andun pa nga yung wrapper ng chocolate na binigay ng kauna-unahang lalaking nagbigay ng chocolate sakin. may atm card din, sulat nung high school teacher ko, love letter ng best friend ko sakin, calling cards, resibo nung una akong magstarbucks, madami pang anik anik na halos memorqabilia ng mga first time ko.

sentimental value. isa sa mga pinapahalagahan ng mga pinoy. tulad ko, madaming anik anik para maalala ang mga pangyayari na ayaw makalimutan. sentimental value ang sumisimbulo sa kagustuhan ng mga pinoy na huwag makalimot, na huwag igupo ang mga memorya sa alzheimers. nawala ang wallet ko, pero mas dinamdam ko ang sentimental value ng mga bagay na andun. yang sentimental value na yan ang nagpamaga ng mga mata ko. siguro ganun na talaga mga pilipino no? gusto laging makaalala.

napahaba na ang unang post ko. la pa ko maisip niyan,hehe. sana nagustuhan ninyo. ayun, sana may susunod pa, sana may oras pa ko. :)

Young Once

July 21, 2008

Dati hindi ko alam kung bakit nag-eenjoy ako na binabasa yung Narnia series. Kailan ko lang narealize yung dahilan. Gusto ko rin kasi palang makarating sa mundo ni Aslan.

Oo, alam ko na hindi na ako bata para magkaroon pa ng imaginary world. Pero wala naman sigurong masama roon. Gusto ko lang naman na makaranas ng totoong adventure sa isang bago at masayang mundo. Hindi tulad dito sa mundo natin na lahat parang naka-program. Magulo pa. Ulit-ulit lang yung nangyayari araw-araw. Tumataas ang presyo ng mga bilihin, tapos magtatrabaho pero kulang pa rin. Tsaka napakakumplikado pa ng mga bagay-bagay. Dumarami ng dumarami ang kailangan nating isipin habang tayo'y tumatanda.

Mabuti pa nung tayo'y mga bata. Walang masyadong problema. Madalas tayong nasa labas, nakikipaglaro. Sobrang laya natin nun. Sobrang saya. Labas masok sa bahay para lang maglaro at kumain, tapos maliligo at muling maglalaro. Ang layo ng mundo ngayon. Wala ng masyadong lugar na mapaglalaruan sa labas. Tsaka siyempre, hindi na nga ako bata para makipagtaguan pa. Baka akalain pa ng iba na ako'y isip bata. Tapos dumagdag pa ang mga game consoles. Naglalaro na lang sa loob ng bahay. Salamat nga at naimbento ang Wii, kahit papaano ay nakakagalaw-galaw pa rin. Namimiss ko na ring makipag-patintero.

Kaya talagang gusto ko ng mapunta sa Narnia. Gusto kong malanghap yung hangin dun na nagbibigay ng kakaibang lakas na nakakapagpabata. Tsaka kasi sa Narnia, di importante yung oras. Di tulad sa mundo natin ngayon na lahat ng tao laging nakaabang sa orasan. Lahat bilang, eksakto. Sa Narnia, di yun pansin. Aabangan ko lang nun siguro yung paglubog ng araw. Tapos habang nasa labas, minamasid ko yung malawak na lupain ng Narnia, yung lupa na walang nagtataasang buildings, yung kung saan bawat tignan mo eh pwedeng ipanlaban sa natural wonders of the world. Tapos dun, malaya pa yung mga hayop. Wala sila sa zoo and walang anumang threats para sila'y maging extinct (tapos ko ng basahin ang last book ng series, wala ng mga villains). Bonus pa na nakakapagsalita sila. Malaya akong makakapaglaro na walang inaalintana. Simpleng buhay lamang pero masaya.

Sana sunduin na ako ni Aslan. Masyado ng magulo ang ating mundo. Kumplikado. Hirap tumanda. Sarap maging bata.

Empty Box No. 71: Sana nasa Narnia lang ako para pagbalik ko sa 'Pinas parang di lang din gumalaw yung oras.

Be Patient.

July 17, 2008

Bakit ko na sabi yan? Maraming dahilan kung bakit yan ang title ng first post ko. Simple lang pero malaman.

Unang-una, ito ang unang dalawang salitang masasabi mo kapag sobrang haba ng pila. At kung sitwasyon mo ay nasa mainit kang lugar na nakabilad pa sa araw. Para hindi uminit ulo ng iba, yan ang una mong masasabi.

Ikalawa, maaari mo rin itong mabanggit kung ikaw ay kasalukuyang nasa sitwasyon na nag-aaway mga kaibigan mo, magulang o kapatid mo man. Para lang hindi umabot sa isang pangyayari na ayaw mong maging outcome ng pag-aaway. 90 percent akong sigurado na yan ang sasabihin mo.

Ikatlong point, ma-aapply mo rin mga katagang yan sa isang bagay na hindi mo matapos tapos at gusto mo nang sumuko. Ang hirap pero nakakapagpagaan ng loob yang dalawang salitang iyan.

Para sa isang tulad ko na maraming ginagawang mga bagay, lalo na school works, gamit na gamit ang mga salitang iyan. Ang pagiging patient sa lahat ng bagay ay isa sa mga natutunan ko hindi sa loob ng university pero sa pang-araw araw na pamumuhay ko dito sa mundo. Narealize ko ngayong linggong 'to na hindi mo magagawang matapos ang isang bagay kung agad mong iisipan ng hindi maganda at susuko agad.

Sana kayo rin maiaapply niyo 'tong natutunan ko sa mga buhay niyo. Gusto ko lang naman maintindihan niyo at mapagtanto na ang lahat ng bagay ay lumilikom ng sapat na panahon. Ang mga bagay na ito ay hindi dapat minamadali.

First!

July 14, 2008

Since heto yung kauna-unahang post sa blog, tama lamang siguro na pag-usapan ang tungkol sa mga something. Ang big deal kasi ng mga firsts kaya naisipan kong pansinin. Kaya nga rin siguro sobrang nahihirapan ako sa pagtapos nitong first post na ito. Syempre, unang-unang entry kaya gusto ko sanang magkaroon siya ng sense para hindi naman masayang yung time mo sa pagbasa nito. Kung feel mo naman na masasayang nga lang eh click here. Kung wala pa rin ay close mo na lang ang browser mo.

Big deal. Parang nung ano lang yan, yung iyong first love. Gusto ko pa naman sana na wala munang tungkol sa pag-ibig pero naisip ko lang na gawing halimbawa. Well, inexperienced pa naman ako sa mga bagay na ganyan pero sa tingin ko na di siguro madali ang magsabi kung hetong love interest mo ngayon eh siyang iyong magiging first love. Lalo na ako, gusto kong ireserve yung term na first love para lang sa babaeng nais kong makasama sa habambuhay. Tapos meron pa, sabi ng isang quotation, "First love never dies." Siguro nga. Marahil. Kasi ako hanggang ngayon tandang-tanda ko pa rin yung aking first crush. And crush pa lang yun, love pa kaya.

Ang mga first something kasi, gaya nga ng first love, eh binebreak yung boring na pattern ng iyong araw-araw na buhay. Yun nga sa first love, bagong feeling na never mo pang naramdaman. Parang sa mga mag-asawa lang yan, yung feeling nila habang hinihintay yung kanilang panganay na anak. At pagkapanganak, bagong buhay para sa kanila. Pag may first, may bago. Hetong blog, pagkatapos nitong first entry maaari na siya talagang tawaging isang blog. First entry, bagong blog.

Maliban sa big deal ang mga firsts, nagdudulot din sila ng kakaibang feeling. Something na hyper. Pag nanalo ka ng first place sa isang competition, may kakaibang saya na iba sa natural na saya. Siya yung saya na may halong kung anong iba na basta. Mahirap iexplain. Alalahanin mo na lang yung feeling nung iyong first birthday. Pikit mo lang ang iyong mga mata and may makikita kang naka-grayscale. Error! Hindi mo nga pala matandaan. Ang tagal na nun. Hindi naman talaga puro saya kasi meron din namang ibang first tulad ng first day mo sa school na hindi talaga masaya. Yung feeling sa first day eh kinakabahan na naeexcite na may halong takot na ewan. Ganun. Sa lahat ng firsts eh may kakaibang feeling na mahirap hanapin sa dictionary. Unless na memorize mo ang buong dictio.

Haha! Para akong baby na unang beses na nagsalita. Sa wakas, kahit pilit ay nasabi rin ang nais kong sabihin. Kakaiba. Di naman kasi talaga ako mahilig sumulat pero wala lang, para lang may mai-blog. Basta. Ang nais ko lang talagang iparating eh yung mga first something eh sila yung mga pangyayari na may inooffer na bago na nagdudulot ng kakaibang feeling na mahirap malimutan. Gets? Bakit hindi na lang kasi yun agad yung sinabi ko para hindi na ako nahirapan. Tapos na rin. Sana di ka nanghinayang sa ilang minuto mong pagbabasa nito and sana bumisita ka pa ulit dito. Free lang naman.

P.S.

Sa pinakaunang magkukumento sa article na ito, huwag sanang tumulad sa ibang tao na hindi ko maintindihan. Oo na. Alam naman namin na ikaw ang una. Di mo na kailangang magcomment ng "First!"