temptations may not be temptations at all

November 14, 2008

i read my last post. natuwa naman ako kasi nakapagsulat ako ng ganung topic na entry.
natuwa din ako kasi i found that at this point, i think i am wrong about what i said with my last entry. hehe, at some parts lang naman. i read a very interesting speech earlier and i madeit a basis for what i will be saying later on. :) , like buddha, i am enlightened.haha. here are my fave lines from the speech:

"I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy. After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average."-- live your life to the fullest daw kasi. kunwari, kapag nagwowork ka daw or nag-aaral ng super seryoso, you are not really making a living out of those activities. actually, pinaiikli mo daw. habang may oras ka, gamitin mo yun sa gusto mong gawin at love na love mo gawin kahit walang bayad. work kills i assure you.

"be hated. It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross. " ---ayus di ba? sabi nga dito, kapag may ayaw sayo ibig sabihin nun maytaong kumukuwestiyon sa righteousness mo. ayus yon kasi ibig sabihin nun, you are right on your principles and advocacies. :)

"You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you. " at ito ang bonggang bongga, hehe. ngayun ko lang ito narealize! haha. di ko maexplai kung paano ko nakonek ito dun sa temptations pero, nakonek ko at masasbai kong mali nga ako sa ilangmga bagay dun. :)


ayus ba?hehe. i so love the speech!



temptations

September 6, 2008

“What was the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life?”

This was the very vague or broad topic I had for my impromptu speech. When I picked it, it was really hard to think considering that I know that I really am not a creative person with this kind of thing. In addition to that is the stage fright that is really hard to ignore when you are already in front of the audience. But since that speech has a very big contribution on my grade to our speech class, I told myself that I must do this thing and I have no choice but to do this thing with the best attitude that I can. So, I geared up and stood in front of my 27 person audience.

I delivered a very shallow speech . I just thought at that time that my speech was enough to awe or involve my audience. Maybe, it was because of the nervousness that I felt at that time that made me think of the shallowness of my speech. Also, maybe it was also because of the nervousness that I felt that it was the best thing that I can do with my speech. But now, I think, I can do better than that . So, I hope that I can make it up with this journal.

“What was the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life?”

Since I was a child, I was oriented by my parents to prioritize my studies because it was the best thing that I can do for myself and for my family. So, anything that can distract my concentration on my studies, I must ignore them. I call these things temptations and ignoring the number one temptation for me is the second hardest thing I’ve ever done in my 18 years of existence. The first one, as you may remember, was letting my father go to one of the most dangerous places on this earth to work. And the second one will be ignoring the temptation of having a romantic relationship.

I was linked mutually more than once with a guy since elementary. During my elementary days, I was able to ignore that feeling because I kept reminding myself that those kinds of feelings are not true and do not last forever at that early age. I entered high school and again, I had the same feelings with different guys . I think that the feelings just shifted to a different person because I had the intuition of rejection even before we have settled things between us. But at the end, I realized that the feelings are not really the same because they had different intensities and sources. I really can’t describe the feeling, but in general, it hurts. In my life, I’ve experienced 2 greatest longings, happiness, and hurt. These happened because I have to ignore the temptation of involving myself more with these special persons. During those times, I had this very painful prick that gave me maximum of 3 crying nights. I knew that I am not hurting only myself but I am also hurting those 2 different persons because I chose to ignore the temptation of having deeper relationships with them. Again, during those times, for my and my family’s future, I had to ignore the temptation. Damn. Why does my future have to hurt my present and past that much?

I am not an emo, but maybe at this point, I am. Because for the nth time, I am ignoring another temptation for my more secure future. I am not yet involved deeply with him, but I know, I am nearing there. Ignoring this temptation is hard right now, I do not want it to be harder.

--inuulit ko po, hindi ako emo, dito lang siguro.haha. sarap magsulat! Wuhoo!

anik anik: sa mga pinoy, sentimental value :

July 27, 2008

nawala pitaka ko. mga tatlong linggo na nung mawala yun. putik, hassle yun eh. makwento nga.

mga 2.30 yun ng hapon. katatapos lang ng quantitative subject namin. eh sa schedule ko, after nung quantitative e accounting, nung araw na yun, di ako gumawa ng assignment sa accounting. since 4.00 pa lang naman accounting ko, dun sa 2.30-4.00 na libre ako, kumopya nako ng assignment sa kaklase ko. ang haba. sa sobrang haba ginutom ako. nung makalahati ko na yung assignment, bumili ako ng pagkain dun sa kiosk sa skuol namin, junk food pa nga binili ko nun eh. tuwang tuwa pa nga mga kaklasi ko kasi dami ko daw binili, nanlilibre daw ba ako. ayun, kumain ako, sa pagkakatanda ko, nung bumalik ako sa table ko para ituloy yung assignment ko habang kumakain, nakapatong yung wallet ko sa libro ko. nung matapos ko yung assignment, napadaan ako ulit dun sa kiosk, nakakita ako ng junk foods ulit. di ko na dala nun yung wallet ko, sabi ko pa nga sa tindera, "ate, maya ko na lang bayaran andun sa table namin yung wallet ko eh." oo naman daw siya no. tapos napansin ko na may naglalaro ng volleyball sa gym, sumali daw ako. ayun for the next 1hr, naglaro ako. bumalik lang ako sa table namin nung 5mins before 4.

pagbalik ko, mannerism ko na siguro dahil bago cellphone ko , chineck ko yung bag ko para tignan kung andun cellphone ko. it follows naman nun na titignan ko rin kung andun pa yung pitaka ko. kulay pink yun, yun na yung pinaka striking ang kulay na laman ng bag ko. wala akong striking na nakita nung binuksan ko yung bag ko. medyo nagpanic nako nun. tinignan ko na rin yung table, wala din dun. putik. 1500 laman nun. wala na, umiyak nako nun. tinanong ko na din mga kaibigan ko tsaka hinalughog yung mga bag nila, baka nailagay sa mga bag nang di sinasadya, wala din. putik talaga. di nako pumasok sa accounting nun, iba pakiramdam ko nun eh, idagdag pa na magang maga na ang mga mata ko dahil alam ko na patay lalo ako sa nanay ko kapag nalaman niya na yung binigay niyang 1500 ay nawala. siguro dalawang oras akong umiiyak nun, nakatambay sa table kung saan nawala wallet ko.

umiyak ako hindi dahil 1500 yung nawala sakin. yung 1500 na yun kasi ay yung kauna-unahang pera na lagpas 500 na binigay sakin ng nanay ko, as in voluntary niyang binigay. this past year kasi, ayoko ng humihingi sa kanya, nahihiya nako, kaya nga ako nagtrabaho eh. kaya nga rin di ko pa nagagastos dahil nung panahon na yun, di pa rin ako makapaniwala na binigyan ako ng pera ng nanay ko kahit di naman ako humihingi. hindi pinupulot lang ang pera, ito din, tumatak sa isip ko nung mawala wallet ko. lalo tong nagpaiyak sakin kasi naalala ko yung pagod na naranasan ko nung naging server ako sa isang restaurant.

andun din pala mga class cards ko. putik, naalala ko na naman, may isang class card ako na pinaka-ingat ingatan ko, andun din sa pitaka ko. tokwa, uno yun eh. ilang gabing pinagpuyatan ko yung grado na yun, nagtatanggal pa nga ng stress sakin yun eh, kapag muntik muntikan akong bumagsak sa isang subject. titignan ko lang yung pulang bolpen na bumilog sa 1, nakakarelaks na. ngayon wala na kong pampalubag loob. kailangan ko ulit magpuyat ng ilang gabi para makakita ng bilog sa number 1.

nawala din id ko tsaka enrollment sheet. tuwing sasakay ako ng jeep, di na ako maka-avail ng student discount. la akong id eh. o kung minsan naman, tinatandaan ko yung mga driver na humihingi ng id para masiguro na estudyante ako. mga beinte din natitipid ko araw araw dahil sa student discount. eto pa problema, la ako enrollment sheet, pano ako magapapaID ulit? hmp. doble abala talaga, tokwa.wala tuloy akong katauhan, wala nako valid id. tuwang tuwa pa mandin ako sa id ko kasi ang kapal kapal na nung mga sticker . tsaka mukha pa akong nene nun, ang cute. nawala kasi pitaka ko kaya, ayun, wala na.

may pictures din dun nung mga sitwasyon na inayusan ako dahil magperperform ako. dun nga lang ako nag-aayos eh. mga litrato din ng mga kaibigan, ka-ibigan, tsaka pamilya ang andun. andun pa nga yung wrapper ng chocolate na binigay ng kauna-unahang lalaking nagbigay ng chocolate sakin. may atm card din, sulat nung high school teacher ko, love letter ng best friend ko sakin, calling cards, resibo nung una akong magstarbucks, madami pang anik anik na halos memorqabilia ng mga first time ko.

sentimental value. isa sa mga pinapahalagahan ng mga pinoy. tulad ko, madaming anik anik para maalala ang mga pangyayari na ayaw makalimutan. sentimental value ang sumisimbulo sa kagustuhan ng mga pinoy na huwag makalimot, na huwag igupo ang mga memorya sa alzheimers. nawala ang wallet ko, pero mas dinamdam ko ang sentimental value ng mga bagay na andun. yang sentimental value na yan ang nagpamaga ng mga mata ko. siguro ganun na talaga mga pilipino no? gusto laging makaalala.

napahaba na ang unang post ko. la pa ko maisip niyan,hehe. sana nagustuhan ninyo. ayun, sana may susunod pa, sana may oras pa ko. :)